How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

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Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.

The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable statutes and jurisprudence.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm.”

Acknowledgment: Thank you, Alex Cheung, for providing this.

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About Edmark M. Law

My name Edmark M. Law. I work as a freelance writer, mainly writing about science and mathematics. I am an ardent hobbyist. I like to read, solve puzzles, play chess, make origami and play basketball. In addition, I dabble in magic, particularly card magic and other sleight-of-hand type magic. I live in Hong Kong. I blog at learnfunfacts.com. You can find me on Twitter @EdmarkLaw and Facebook. My email is edmarklaw@learnfunfacts.com
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30 Responses to How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

  1. Laura says:

    😆Sounds about right.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: How Many Lawyers Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? — Learn Fun Facts – Michael D. Turashoff

  3. delphini510 says:

    Just great post which in such a funny way shows how tired we are of the convoluted ‘ hide and seek’ words of all legal documents. A good mornings laugh.
    miriam

    Liked by 2 people

  4. 3 Lawyers to change a light bulb. Neither of which will touch the light bulb. 1 to submit. 2 to interpret, 3 to explain all to an electrician. The Electrician changes the Bulb. What type of Bulb needed to be changed? Other legal issues may be in play here.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Mia says:

    So funny! Thanks for the laugh! 😂 Gotta love it when something so simple is made so complicated!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. lindasschaub says:

    Yup, having worked as a legal secretary for 38 years, I’ll attest to this language.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. hahahaha this is wonderful!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Illuminating! Very illuminating! I was in the dark about lawyers until this! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. craftysurf says:

    Define “every reasonable caution” or you’ll have another loophole 😂😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Candice says:

    Why can’t legal documents say the same, but use ordinary language?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Graci says:

    😂 I need a dose of this every day. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. geetssaini says:

    Such a fun take on routine things

    Like

  13. Great way to start my day…thanks for the smile on my face. ~ Blessings, KK

    Liked by 1 person

  14. No mandatory arbitration clause? Despite all parties’ best efforts, something’s bound to go wrong. Perhaps there also should be a provision that Security be standing by as witness and to deal with the fallout in the event that any of the parties try to take advantage. Oh, and let’s not forget the escrow account to cover any repairs that might be needed if the process doesn’t work properly.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Dan Barrett says:

    Point well taken.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. 😂😂😂 Exactly… and not one lawyer more!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Garfield Hug says:

    😁😁😁👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣

    Like

  18. shoreacres says:

    I’ve never heard this version, and just like in real life, I stopped reading about halfway through the terms and conditions. I ought not do that. I’ve always loved these jokes. My favorite? “How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?” “Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.”

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Abigail says:

    This made my morning. I love the thoroughness of legal documents. It’s incredible what policymakers must include to avoid loopholes and legal misunderstandings.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I know the answer to this old joke but this one’s funnier 😂

    Like

  21. masercot says:

    i.e., e.g…. en lieu…

    Liked by 1 person

  22. John says:

    Good one!😁😁😁 Thanks that we don´t have to use lawyers to change light bulb! Who could afford it?😁😁😁

    Liked by 1 person

  23. ellie894 says:

    I think I’ll change my on light bulb next time. 😂Great morning giggle. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Lol! Why use one word when you can use fifty?! 😸😸😸😸

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Jina Bazzar says:

    hahaha!
    i’ve heard this one before, but without all the ‘terms and conditions’ attached.
    Hilarious!

    Like

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