Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed-upon duties, i.e., the illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation, at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder, or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counterclockwise direction, said direction being non- negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every reasonable caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed-upon duties. The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform, and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counterclockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (“Receptacle”), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable statutes and jurisprudence.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (“New Light Bulb”). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in Step 1 of this document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above-described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of commerce and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as “The Firm.”
Acknowledgment: Thank you, Alex Cheung, for providing this.
Thanks for the laugh! 😂 Gotta love it when something so simple is made so complicated!
Moss & Colella
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😆Sounds about right.
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I will change the light bulb myself, thank you very much.
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Just great post which in such a funny way shows how tired we are of the convoluted ‘ hide and seek’ words of all legal documents. A good mornings laugh.
miriam
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LOL
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3 Lawyers to change a light bulb. Neither of which will touch the light bulb. 1 to submit. 2 to interpret, 3 to explain all to an electrician. The Electrician changes the Bulb. What type of Bulb needed to be changed? Other legal issues may be in play here.
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I really did like it. So FUNNY.
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So funny! Thanks for the laugh! 😂 Gotta love it when something so simple is made so complicated!
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Yup, having worked as a legal secretary for 38 years, I’ll attest to this language.
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hahahaha this is wonderful!!!
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Illuminating! Very illuminating! I was in the dark about lawyers until this! 🙂
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Define “every reasonable caution” or you’ll have another loophole 😂😂😂
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Why can’t legal documents say the same, but use ordinary language?
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😂 I need a dose of this every day. Thanks!
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Such a fun take on routine things
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👍😂
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Great way to start my day…thanks for the smile on my face. ~ Blessings, KK
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No mandatory arbitration clause? Despite all parties’ best efforts, something’s bound to go wrong. Perhaps there also should be a provision that Security be standing by as witness and to deal with the fallout in the event that any of the parties try to take advantage. Oh, and let’s not forget the escrow account to cover any repairs that might be needed if the process doesn’t work properly.
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Point well taken.
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😂😂😂 Exactly… and not one lawyer more!
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😁😁😁👍👍👍🤣🤣🤣
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I’ve never heard this version, and just like in real life, I stopped reading about halfway through the terms and conditions. I ought not do that. I’ve always loved these jokes. My favorite? “How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?” “Only one, but the lightbulb has to really want to change.”
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Exactly!
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This made my morning. I love the thoroughness of legal documents. It’s incredible what policymakers must include to avoid loopholes and legal misunderstandings.
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lol
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I know the answer to this old joke but this one’s funnier 😂
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i.e., e.g…. en lieu…
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Good one!😁😁😁 Thanks that we don´t have to use lawyers to change light bulb! Who could afford it?😁😁😁
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I think I’ll change my on light bulb next time. 😂Great morning giggle. Thanks!
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Lol! Why use one word when you can use fifty?! 😸😸😸😸
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hahaha!
i’ve heard this one before, but without all the ‘terms and conditions’ attached.
Hilarious!
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