How Not to Get Hired: A Few Crappy Lines to Add to Your CV

sorry you are not hired.jpg

Job seekers spend a lot of time crafting a perfect CV. Well, at least, that’s the idea. Here are some of the oddest CV goofs culled from real-life examples:

“The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.”

“References: None. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.”

“I have a sold academic record.”

“My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage.”

“Let’s meet, so you can ‘ooh’ and ‘aah’ over my experience.”

“Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.”

“Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.”

“Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments.”

“FYI, admin is not my cup of tea.”

“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under those conditions.”

“It’s best for employers that I not work with people.”

“I am about to enroll on a Business and Finance degree with the Open University, which I feel will prove detrimental to my future success.”

“I have a bachelorette degree in computers.”

“I am currently attended university.”

“Attended high school from September 1880 to June 1984.”

“Bachelor of engineering. Passed out in top 2 per cent.”

“Please do not call my last boss as a reference. He learned that I was romantically involved with his wife and I was fired to save the marriage. He is unlikely to give me a positive report.”

“Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store.”

“As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.”

“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.”

Reference

Fortune Magazine, July 21, 1997

Posted by

My name Edmark M. Law. I work as a freelance writer, mainly writing about science and mathematics. I am an ardent hobbyist. I like to read, solve puzzles, play chess, make origami and play basketball. In addition, I dabble in magic, particularly card magic and other sleight-of-hand type magic. I live in Hong Kong. You can find me on Twitter` and Facebook. My email is edmarklaw@learnfunfacts.com

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