Truth in Advertising

I am unable to verify the authenticity of the following story. Nevertheless, it’s quite interesting. When Frank Winfield Woolworth (the founder of F. W. Woolworth Company) first opened his store, a businessman in the area felt threatened. So, he advertised in the local paper. The ad read: DO YOUR LOCAL SHOPPING HERE. WE HAVE BEEN IN BUSINESS […]

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Pun of the Weak: Wonky Donkey

Note: The following contains some parts which some readers may consider objectionable or offensive. Reader discretion is advised. Click to Show Content What do you call a donkey with one leg? A wonky donkey What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye? A winky wonky donkey What do you call a […]

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Random Joke #18: Drinks?

I saw this on a newsgroup many years ago: At a high-class restaurant… Question: What would you like to have: Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee? Answer: Tea, please. Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea? Answer: Ceylon tea. Question: How would you like it? […]

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Peculiar Index Cross-References

The index section of William Hawkins’ Treatise of Pleas of the Crown, a treatise on England’s criminal law published in 1716, contains some quaint and amusing cross-references: Assault, see Son. Chastity, see Homicide. Convicts, see Clergy. Death, see Appeal. King, see Treason. Shop, see Burglary. Sickness, see Bail.  

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Some of the Best Lame Analogies

A few days ago, I published a collection of strange lines from serious fiction manuscripts. This made me recalled that the Washington Post, in its Week 310 of “The Style Invitational”, ran a contest in which the participants were tasked to come up with the lamest analogy that they can. The entries were published on March […]

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Testimony from Beyond

The following is a transcript during the trial of a contest over two wills left by Mr. Walter of Arkansas: Q: When did you last see Walter? A: At the funeral. Q: Did he make any comment to you at that time? A: No. “I have wondered who might have been the most relieved that […]

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Pun of the Weak: Census

The census taker knocked on an old lady’s door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. “But everyone tells their age to the census taker,” he said. “Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?” she asked stubbornly. “Certainly,” the […]

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Some Strange Lines from Serious Fiction Manuscripts

In 1981, a well-known editor based in New York, who wished to remain anonymous, sent several excerpts from unsolicited manuscripts of supposedly serious fiction he received to the National Lampoon. They were published in the section called “From the Slush Pile”: “Pardon?” she asked in a tone that made me want to wash my hands. […]

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Random Joke #17: Prepared Speech

From London comes the story of the tycoon who was reading a prepared speech to a meeting of the nation’s big shots: “The average businessman is tired,” he thundered, pausing now and again to readjust his glasses. “He worked twenty hours a day on work. He is physically and mentally exhausted. But what a lead-pipe cinch he has had […]

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Fred Allen’s “Apology” Letter

In 1940, comedian Fred Allen (1894 – 1956), in his radio program, talked about a time he checked into a hotel in Philadelphia where the rooms were so small that a moth had to furl its wings and walk on the floor and even the mice were humpbacked”. This caused Philadelphia’s politicians, tourism board and […]

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