A Minute Detailed Bill

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In The Queer, the Quaint and the Quizzical (1882), Francis Henry Stauffer related a story of a man from Worcester, Massachusetts who brought an expensive French clock to a well-known jeweler for repair. The man demanded a detailed bill in which all the particulars of the repair should be explained. This was what he received:

To removing the alluvial deposit and oleaginous conglomerate from clock a la French, … $0.50

To replacing in appropriate juxtaposition the constituent components of said clock, … .50

To lubricating with oleaginous solution the apex of pinions of said clock, … .50

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pun-of-the-weak

Homesick – When your dog throws up inside your house.

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Gleanings From The Past #26

Rapid Growth

A remarkable instance of rapid growth in the human species was noticed in France, in 1729, by the Academy of Sciences. It was a lad, then only seven years old, who measured four feet eight inches and four lines high, without his shoes. His mother observed his extraordinary growth and strength at two years old, which continued to increase with such rapidity, that he soon arrived at the usual standard. At four years old he was able to lift and throw the common bundles of hay in stables into the horses’ racks; and at six years old, he could lift as much as a sturdy fellow of twenty. But although he thus increased in bodily strength, his understanding was no greater than is usual with children of his age; and their playthings were also his favourite amusements.

— The Sacred Heart Review, Vol. 1, April 20, 1895

A Will

Among curious bequests to wives, that of John Lambeth, who died in 1791, is conspicuous for its bitterness. After declaring that ‘the strength of Sampson, the genius of Homer, the prudence of Augustus, the patience of Job, the philosophy of Socrates, the subtlety of Hannibal, the vigilence of Hermognes, would not suffice to subdue the perversity of her character,’ he bequeathed to his wife Elizabeth the sum of one shilling!

— Bizarre Notes & Queries, February 1886

Full of That

Here is the longest correct sentence of ‘thats’ which we have yet seen:

‘I assert that that, that that “that,” that that that that person told me contained, implied, has been misunderstood.’

It is a string of nine ‘thats’ which may be easily ‘parsed’ by a bright pupil.

— Bizarre Notes & Queries, November 1887

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50 Well-Known Proverbs Updated For The Digital Age

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1. Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to use the net, and he won’t bother you for a while.

2. Keep your Facebook friends close and your blocked friends closer.

3. A picture is worth more than a thousand bytes.

4. Facebook walls have ears.

5. Oh, what a tangled website we weave when we first practice CSS.

6. I don’t think, therefore, I Google.

7. A journey of a thousand sites starts with the first click.

8. Honesty is the best privacy policy.

9. Two ROMs don’t make a RAM.

10. Tweeters of the same feed tweet together.

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Quotable #26: The Internet

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“The internet is where some people go to show their true intelligence; others, their hidden stupidity.”  — Criss Jami, Healology, 2016

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Strange Addresses And The Ingenuity Of Postmen

My previous post titled An Ingenious Postman told an anecdote of a resourceful postman who was able to deliver a letter despite the ambiguity of the address. This post includes several more instances in which a postman was able to successfully deliver a letter even if the recipient’s address was vague, illegible or partially wrong.

Didn’t Know About the Address

Some letter senders have no idea about the exact address of the recipient so they settled on providing more — albeit vague — information that may help the postman.

A letter addressed to “My dear Ant Sue as lives in the Cottage” found its way to Aunt Sue, after some difficulties, who was living in a cottage near Lyndhurst.

It made me wonder how they were able to deliver this letter directed to

H. M. Steem Friegkt,
Vutur, Uncon or els ware,

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A Werewolf Returning Home By S.H. Vedder

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A Werewolf Returning Home by S.H. Vedder, 1901

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